very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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