Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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