i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
