That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
