Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
