I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
