but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
