So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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