Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
