i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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