Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
