Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
