come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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