Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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