whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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