SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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