Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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