I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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