Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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