just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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