Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
