also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
