I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
