we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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