If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
