It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize