we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
