I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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