At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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