He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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