I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
