I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
