remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
