i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
