shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
