Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
