i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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