she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
