I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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