Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the raccoons are back...
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