Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
