i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize