I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
