There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
