i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
