I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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