Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
