Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My breasts were aching with rage.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
