sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
