at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need water and some morals
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
