where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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