Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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