Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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