Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
