oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
