Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize