So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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