shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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