i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she told me i tasted like america
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
