i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
