I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
