1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
