Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
