man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
