i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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