He had one of those small greek statue penises
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
