i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
