I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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